■ TEXAS, USA: Given the Norse pork control patrol's hog procurement failure of yesterday (the pigs were too big to fit in the helicopter), my natural pork glow had started to fade and my levels were critically low. A porkmergency was imminent!

Luckily my friend TJ has a huge wild hog problem on his hunting ranch and he said we'd be doing him a mega favor if we were able to put some of them down. So off we went to set up an ambush near his deer-blind no family of wild hogs would be able to resist.....

■ NEW PORK O'CLOCK HOODIES:
www.bonfire.com/porkoclock